Conflicts - Why They Happen?

Inner conflict or the conflict within yourself, displays the difference between what you really experience and what you are able or prefer to do about it. Interpersonal conflict happens when you say or do something different from what the other person says or does.

Reasons For Conflict

Everybody has four fundamental psychological desires. These are the want to be valued, to be in charge of, the want for self esteem or self worth and the need for steadiness or stability.

1. The need to be valued or respected by other people is a fundamental psychological need

You would like other people to be aware of your merit and value your contributions. You are extra motivated when your contributions are acknowledged. When you feel unrecognized, taken advantage of or taken for granted, your need to be respected and valued has been dishonored and this can set-off a response of dread, anger or often both.

2. The need to be in charge

Being in charge of is essential for one and all, however more for some than other people. The further insecure you feel of yourself, the more you'd like to be in charge of things. However, if you are secure and sure about yourself, your want to control other people will decrease. Whenever you have to interact with an over controlling individual, keep in mind their want to be in charge comes from their lack of confidence. Make them feel confident and their need to take control will automatically decrease.

3. The need for self respect and self worth

This means you ought to be pleased about yourself and look to your strengths rather than the weak points. A robust self respect offers you a powerful and a solid support for dealing with all kinds of troubles and situations. With a strong self respect, you will have the capability to completely react or respond to several types of situation than reacting negatively and panicking trying to to avoid conflict.

4. The need to be reliable

You need to be acquainted with what is probable to happen in any known situation. You need reliability from relations, companions, acquaintances and almost everybody in your life. Or else you tend to be anxious about the unexpected.

This does not mean that nobody can alter their thoughts. However, someone who changes thoughts or reacts in a different way to the similar circumstances brings in a level of anxiety in to your life as you will by no means know how to react.

The basis for some people to feel the need to alter comes from their lack of confidence. They are insecure within themselves as a result they try to match in with other people all the time. They will be in agreement with whoever they think is the most dominant person.

How People React During A Conflict

When any of the above needs are not met, conflicts, internal or external or both are formed and people more often than not react in any of these four ways.

They can get even, dominate, isolate, or cooperate.

Revenge and dominance can result in severe violence. Isolation separates the parties but that will not resolve the conflict but with cooperation one permits their emotions to be ignored and accepts the views of another over their own.

If you are quick to respond to these fundamental needs and reactions you will begin to realize how and why you and other people react in a situation of conflict. Allowing for these needs, understanding them and acting upon them will make you a more confident person.